(positive reinforcement from a year of therapy, not there yet. Still writing down when my teacher tells me to remember all she said.)

Dear child, look at me,
Hear my voice,
See my person.
I come in peace.
Let me please,
Let me please tell you this.
You suspended yourself in a void
A near absolute philosophy of sacrifice,
You decided for yourself
To live life like a 50s movie
In mime, in faded black and white.
You discipline yourself
Harsher than catholic school boy.
Standing tall but at a corner, in the shadow,
Wounded and traumatized,
Yet portraying an unbreakable resolve.
You wear a premium brand of silence
With an illusion of exuberance.
You smile yet in your eyes
There’s a kaleidoscope of sadness.
You are stuck in this perpetual sphere of pain.
You deny all that is beautiful.
You have long decided,
Your’s a story of mere survival.
Yet you are surrounded with subtle joys,
You tread with purposeful melody,
You spread laughter to those handful souls, you call
Chosen family.
With undivided attention and utmost care
You create intricate tapestry of breathless beauty
In colors, textures and senses.
God choose you still to spread blessing
Of affection, of company, of counsel.
Every seam of your dreadful gray coat,
Leaks light of a brilliant adventure.
You have come far, polished to a shining star,
God is making you to be what you need to be.
Don’t you see, God has been loving you since?
He closed a door for you but opened the world.
He removed your music yet sent you birdsong,
He removed a home yet opened your heart to His creation.

You lost a love but He filled it with serenity.
You thought you were discarded,
But He landed you in your own forest.
All the ugly you think you are,
He have perfectly hidden them,
Transforming those to your avenues of triumph.
You cast your own shadow, love.
Standing amidst the light of His blessing,
You foolishly knit yourself a cloak of self pity.
Give yourself permission to live, laugh,
Forgive,
Be a fraction of as kind as you are to them.
God is the wind beneath your wings,
Fly my pretty.
May your life be that of inspiration
It is not a cautionary tale.